


i make horrible science puns but only periodically

by pasteltrash



Series: i would move meowtains for you [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Drunk!Kuroo, Kozume Kenma pov, Kuroo likes puns, M/M, They haven't met yet, a little bit after college?, akaashi is a minor mom, bokuto has house parties to celebrate every little thing, hes not that drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 13:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8715214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pasteltrash/pseuds/pasteltrash
Summary: I was waiting for the train doors to beep to a close when a tall guy stumbled through the doors.He looked drunk.Scratch that, he was drunk.(Alt. Kenma escapes Bokuto's party and a drunk Kuroo is sent to find him. They don't get back to the party in the end.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> kenma is too nice for his own good, it's ironic  
> it's my first kuroken fic, enjoy

_Certainly_ , I thought. It's was probably really late outside, the windows of the trains pitch black, aside from the flittering lights of Tokyo. It zoomed by, the colours mixing and disappearing entirely as the train jumbled into a tunnel. I sat at a deserted section of the train, the lights seemed brighter here, maybe the occasional flicker made it dim. I could've been the only person in here, but at the other end of the cart was an old lady who walked with a limp, she carried one of those fairly sized carts that seemed packed with items. I payed little to no mind about it, as she was in her own little world.

This all wouldn't have happened if I wasn't dragged to a party. Apparently this guy (Bokuto-I forgot his first name) would have parties every week or something and they were really popular. Not like I knew about them, but Shouyou knocked on my door at 10pm with his tall, raven haired friend in tow and proceeded to drag me out of the house to one of those parties. Yeah, I've got to hand it to him, he managed to get me past the front door. I wished I hadn't however, as Shouyou disappeared before I knew it and I was alone in a really loud house party. Booming music and the awful smell of alcohol and sweat reeking from the other room. So yeah, here I am on a train leading home at (most likely) midnight. I couldn't possibly stay any longer in case I was dragged into the chaos so I walked in, walked out. Shoyou could kill me for it later.

 I sighed, rolling my PSP in my hoodie pocket a bit out of boredom, the battery died not too long ago. Which sucked, cause there was this new game I was trying out and I wanted to at least reach the hundredth level today. There goes my goal in life. By now I sort of regret wearing a hoodie and simple pants, outside might be freezing. I didn't really have much time to think as Shoyou began yelling excitedly about stuff, so it's probably my fault in the end.

 There's about a 10 minute walk from the train station to my house and if I run it becomes 5 minutes but I don't really want to run so I guess I'll just put my hood on. It clearly won't give me any more warmth but at least I'm all covered.

 The train jolted to stop and a nearly fell out of my seat, _they should really work on that_. It was eerily silent as the doors whooshed open and waiting for something-someone to enter. I was waiting for them to beep close when a tall guy stumbled through the doors.

He looked drunk.

Scratch that, he was drunk.

 On top of that he was only wearing pants and a t-shirt, a thin plaid sweater tied around his waist sloppily. And I though I was underdressed. This guy was gonna die in the cold. He sat across from me, leaning on one of the poles to probably steady himself. Weird thing was, he was oddly familiar.

 Black wild hair, bangs falling to cover one side of his face and his hair spiking in weird directions. I don't really know how he gets it like that, but I doubt bedhead can do such doings. He was cat-like, cat-like grin and cat-like sort of eyes, like a black cat almost. Although, taller and bigger and well, a bit scarier. I would be scared, but I don't seem to be since he's pretty wasted. His shirt had a lame pun on it and I really wondered where you get stuff like that here. I don't even want to think about it anymore, I'll leave the pun unmentioned. It's a really b-

_Ah. That's it. It's that pun shirt guy._

 I wished that was only a vague representation but I really only remember him as a guy with the pun shirt. He was at Bokuto's party, right alongside him, sort of lurking. I remember it a bit better now, cause the loud music and dim lights really made me feel hazy. I couldn't see him properly through the hustling, they always look different if you put them in a different light. At the party he simply stood there, although at one point he shook my hand and clapped me on the back as he left, but that was all I got from him. I swear his name is Kuroo, but I decided to refrain from using it until I knew for sure. Right now he seemed asleep against the pole, which is probably a struggle to do, so I really had no idea how. But wasted as ever, anything seems possible for him. It was nearly my stop when the train bumped a bit and the guy went tumbling forwards and on the floor. He groaned loudly, to my disdain, and by then he felt like my responsibility. Also because the old lady was staring, so I couldn't really leave him here if there was an eye witness. So in the end, I poked this guy until he stirred up.

"Five more minutes." His voice was husky and low, like he really had just woke up in the morning. I simply poked his side again.

"You're on the floor. Do you know how to get home?" I glanced at the map on the wall, Bokuto's party was stops away from here. The pun guy simply sat up heavily.

"I live with Bo and other _peeoople_ , Shorty was panicking cause he couldn't find his friend so I went to find him. He has pudding hair and is about _thiis_  short. Have you seen pudding head-chan?" (Kuroo made a lazy representation of my height, which was apparently only a seat high) I made it an easy guess that 'Bo' was Bokuto's and Shorty was Shouyou, his friend was probably me. Kuroo would know, if he opened his eyes.

"Well I can just call Shouyou when I get home, where are you going after you find Shoyou's friend?" Kuroo simply sat there silent for a while, which made me clearly understand that he hadn't planned that part yet.

"Well, I don't really want to make you go back to the party wasted and alone. And I also don't want to bring you back myself." I sighed, really loudly. "I can take you back to my house and you can go home in the morning while you're less....drunk." Kuroo gave me a really lazy smile and to be honest it made me feel a little weird. But I discarded it as my stop neared and I tried to help him up.

He was extremely heavy. And I was extremely weak. This wasn't going to end happily.

 With a heavy and loud Kuroo around my shoulder, we stumbled out of the train and down the street, he muttered stuff to himself. It was only slightly breezy, thankfully. So the clothes on our back seemed fine outside. Although Kuroo did seem to huddle closer, probably cause of the wind now and then. His shirt was thin anyway. At one point, he jumped out of my grasp.

"Wait! You're pudding head-chan!" He pointed at my hair as if it had just appeared, I rolled my eyes.

"My name is Kenma. Kozume Kenma." I reached to sling his arm over my shoulder as I started to walk again. He paused, but followed my pace in a messy way.

"Okay, Ko-zu-me. I'm Kuroo Tetsurou." Okay, so Kuroo was his name.

"You can just call me Kenma, and I think we already had introductions back at the party." Kuroo hummed and I supposed our conversation was over.

 He reminded me of an adult sized child, the way he stumbled and how he occasionally blew his bangs up. I could've appreciated the sight more if he wasn't so heavy and hard to handle, the 10 minute walk would probably end up a 15 minute. I huffed, pulling Kuroo's hand a bit as we heaved over to my building. Thank God for elevators, cause I wouldn't be able to drag this guy up 5 flights of stairs. He seemed to notice my struggle, as he leaned on the elevator instead of me on our way up.

"I probably wore you down there, sorry." His voice seemed more sober, which was a bit reassuring. I shrugged, it wasn't like I really minded. In fact, this was better than taking a complete stranger home, at least I knew I had some kind of friend line towards Kuroo.

I knew Shouyou, who knew Bokuto who knew Kuroo. Easy. Not really.

 Kuroo didn't seem hostile, as far as I knew. He was muttering chemical reactions under his breath the entire time we walked here, which was pretty endearing. I shrugged myself off as I opened the door to my apartment, looking back at Kuroo as he slouched.

 Okay, I'll mention this one part. My apartment is not always clean. Cleaning day was every Sunday and it was a Saturday so really, not my fault. But anyways, I dropped my keys on the counter.

"You can sleep on the couch, I'll bring you some blankets." I left him standing in the middle of the hall as I went to grab the spare futon in the closet. Walking back lazily, I was met with a simple statement.

The couch was too small.

 Hear me out, comparing our heights, I'm the size of an apartment building and Kuroo is a skyscraper. Plus his body was two times my width, the couch was a small and skinny bed for him. He could sit on the couch no problem, but lying down, his legs hung over the edge and laying down on his back would mean anymore movement would slide him off the couch. So yeah, realization of the day. We met gazes and he smiled at me sheepishly.

"It's fine really, I can sleep on the floor if anything." His head laid back on the couches top, looking back at me with tired eyes. He seemed to be having a hard time not slurring his words. I sighed, shrugging.

"You can sleep in my bed if you want. I can take the couch, I fit better." I think that made him become a little more sober? Cause well, he jumped a bit.

"No, no, I insist. I'd feel back to kick you out of your own bed."

"Then we can share the bed?" I gulped, that would be a pain. Why did I even suggest that? Mentally groaning, I watched as he mirrored my nervous state.

"Sure, if that's okay with you." At that I walked over to my room, hoping he was following. Gladly he did and I flicked the light. Clothes were everywhere, some empty water bottles, this was embarrassing.

"You should really clean up." The smug voice of Kuroo rang through my silent room and a glared at him, not too intensely because I was nice like that. He gave off a lighthearted laugh, leaning on the door frame as I felt my heart flutter. What a pain. He was bundled up in the futon when I remembered I had to call Shouyou. I was in the living room, picking some stuff up before getting to bed before I did it. The phone rang a couple of times.

"Hello? Kenma?!" I held the phone a few inches away from my ear, grimacing at the loud music at yelling.

"Yeah?"

"Kenma where were you?! Scratch that, where are you?!" Geez, he sounded so worried. I'm old enough to look after myself, but I appreciate it.

"I'm at home. Also, Kuroo, the guy you sent to go find me is also in my home, wasted. He's drunk so, he's gonna go home tomorrow when he's sober." The line went silent for a beat.

"And you decided this? Are you even Kenma? You'd never do that to anyone you'd just met!" A loud, very loud gasp came from the other end.

"Do you like him Kenma? Is that why?" I cringed.

"Okay Shouyou, I'm hanging up."

"Wait! I was kidding! Not really, but I'm glad your safe! Good luck!" Not really knowing what the good luck meant, I sighed.

"Bye Shouyou." I hung up, arm heavy as I set the phone down on the table. I was already in my pyjamas, and so was Kuroo. I gave him one of my big shorts that would be long on me and let him just wear his own pun shirt. As for me, I wore baggy pants, favoring them more than shorts. Whatever, the drunken guy seemed fast asleep, so I just climbed onto my side of the bed and curled up in my own futon.

His breathing was heavy, I didn't really know why I was even listening. But it was relaxing and for a second I wondered if he was dead or not. The worry faded as I did into sleep, relieved that my bed was big.

* * *

 

 I woke up to the buzzing and sizzling of the stove, jolting out of bed. For a second there I thought there was a fire, but I clutched my head at the rush of blood, realizing the bed was empty. Sighing, I laid back down, never having done that just after waking up. I really felt like sleeping again, but it smelled like chicken soup and my stomach was growling. So yeah, it took a while but I dragged myself out of bed, dragging my feet across the cold morning floor. The sun poured through most of my apartment, so that was good.

 Fortunately, there was no fire. Only Kuroo, hair flattened out (which looked really funny, probably hard to see through) and clothes disheveled. He was in the kitchen, hovering over one of my spare pots, bubbling water and steam emerging from it. I sniffed once, smelling the aroma. He seemed to notice, turning to look at me.

"I decided to make breakfast as a thank you for letting me stay. Hope that's fine." Good God, did he sound tired. And well, more sober. I shrugged, walking to the fridge for a bottle of water. I never really had a real meal for breakfast, mostly takeout or microwave Ramen. Handing a bottle of water to Kuroo, I sat at the counter chairs, watching him cook. He took the bottle, cat-like eyes flashing.

"Great, now I'll have to make lunch too." He smirked, I shrugged out of habit.

"I'll take the offer." Kuroo chuckled at that, he died it down to place the bowl of soup infront of me, shooting me a lazy smile. My heart really did hurt at that, and I covered it up with a polite nod and sips of soup as he pulled up a chair to sit across from me, also indulged in his soup.

"Okay Kenma," He held his spoon up, I watched, blowing the spoonful of soup to cool it down.

"What are you into, hobbies, interests?" His head leaned on his palm, staring directly at me. I tilted my head slightly, uninterested.

"I like video games." Was all I answered with, that was really all I liked. Not that I was really gonna do anything about it.

"So you're one for strategy and skill, huh?" Was I that easy to read? Or was he that observant? Pressured, I decided the only way to escape furthur questioning was to shut up completely. It was uncomfortable to say the least, being examined from afar.

"Play volleyball?" Kuroo suddenly flipper over to this topic.

"In highschool, yeah, I was setter." He grinned at me.

"Me too, I was captain of the team, they couldn't resist me." I rolled my eyes, but tugged on  the hem of my shirt, feeling as though we dropped under an awkward silence. I put all my attention to the stove as Kuroo looked at me like he was expecting something.

 For quite possibly the longest five seconds of my life, my attention was brought back towards the kitchen counter, where Kuroo slid a piece of paper down. I gingerly slid it into my hand, starring up at the man infront of me as he grinned.

"My number, Bokuto's bound to invite you all to the parties he has every week. Call me and we can escape the hangovers, go see a movie, my treat." He winked, making me _almost_ roll my eyes and twitch a smile. Almost. But not nearly.

 I had no idea why either, he was just sort of amusing. Realistically I'd put an offer like this down, cause Kuroo was still a fresh new person to me, but at the same time he didn't feel like one. Like, I've known him my whole life. And that's not just because he just made me breakfast for the first time in my life.

"Okay." I held the paper in my hand, not wanting to put it in my pocket in case I lose it.

"I called Bokuto and the party's over, some people are still around cause they're hungover as hell, I'm pretty sure your friend and that tall other guy got home safely. Daichi probably brought them home or something. So I've gotta be going, cause Akaashi is home and the poor guy is gonna die at this rate." Kuroo began walking over to my room for his clothes. "And I'm not talking about Akaashi!" He finally called as he disappeared from my view, I watched, blinked, listened to whatever he just did. The guy walked back into view in his jeans, he picked up his sweater from the couch and collected his phone. All the while I still sat at the counter, feeling like merely a spectator. His hair was still down and messy, I wondered if he was going to do anything about it but it seemed not as he walked over to the door. That was when my feet moved, and I was ready to escort him out like he was gonna come back. I hope he was.

"I owe you one, Kenma." He stood at the doorway ready to leave, I simply nodded.

"But seriously," Kuroo motioned dramatically at his shirt. "You haven't commented on my shirt at all! I'm offended, what made you hate science puns so much?" Swallowing down an amused scoff, I let an eye roll slip.

"I'm just hoping that's the end to the pun shirts, Kuro." I joked, dropping the extra O in Kuro, something usually did if I got lazy or comfortable.

"Oho? Is this a nickname I hear?" He chimed, I proceeded to close the door on him.

"Bye, Kuro." He knew the attempt to keep the door open wasn't going to work, accepting the fact and standing in his place.

"See ya around, Kenma!" And then it followed up with the usual silence.

 The domestic feel disappeared, and I felt the apartment grow bigger with just me in it. Turning away from the door, I uncurled my hand, staring at the crumpled number with a little doodle and a Call Me! ;) in messy handwriting. Amused, I went for my phone to go text Shouyou.

**_> you should go to bokuto's parties more oft_en. **

 

_fin_

* * *

 

BONUS

 I cringed, standing in the middle of my living room with an expression of distaste.

"Kenma-san!! Open the door, please!"

 There were a couple raps at my door, the knocking getting excessively louder by the minute. I calmly opened my phone, moving over to my contacts and tapping one of them violently as the knocks got louder, my neighbours were probably annoyed too. After two rings, a person answered.

" _Hey_ , _Kenma_. _What's_ _the_ _dilemma_ _now_?"

Kuroo voice rang from the other end, I nearly sighed of relief. After a small silence I choked out, voice strained.

"Lev."

Kuroo was chuckling on the other end at my tone, but returned to the phone.

" _I_ _can_ _come_ _and_ _make_ _a_ _scene_ _for_ _you_?"

"Please, do."

Lev was now pleading on the other end for me to let him in, cause last time he stood out there for a while while I was making tea and ignoring him.

" _I'll be there in five. And nows not the time for him to be here cause you've got a date with your handsome and sexy mofo boyfriend that you have to get to."_

 _I nearly scoffed, but he co_ uld probably sense my eye roll.

"Whatever. Thanks, boyfriend."

" _Anytime, my kitten, my loyal girlfriend, my-"_

"Bye Kuro."

 I hung up, exhaling loudly as Lev still didn't give up. Kuroo had to do this plenty of times already, all of them usually in the same situation, only at first he was only a friend, but soon enough he dubbed himself boyfriend and I didn't stop him. Oddly enough, I liked it.

**Author's Note:**

> i might make this a series?


End file.
